Animal World
What are 3 problems about being an egg?
What are 3 problems about being an egg?You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your faceis your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.
What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?
Q: What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?A: Bullshit
What is grey and comes in quarts?
What is grey and comes in quarts?An Elephant.
There was once a wide mouth frog...
There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay." said the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really small, "Oh, is that so."
One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole...
One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeinghim there, decides to investigate."Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him.""That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!'
Did you hear about the blind skunk...
Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?
What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?They both fuck up trees!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!
What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?
What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?Fake an orgasm.
What's the difference between a bull and a cow?
What's the difference between a bull and a cow?A bull smiles when you milk it.
A Duck walks into a bar...
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread?Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]Duck: You got any bread?Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]Duck: Got any bread?Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................Duck: You got any nails?Barman: NO!Duck: You got any bread? Sent by Duncan
A man takes his sick dog to the vet...
A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog ontothe the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak".The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog,s dead!!!Sent by Peter
It's so easy to milk a cow...
It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.
What has four legs and eight arms?
Q: What has four legs and eight arms?A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.
Two male flies are buzzing around...
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for goodlooking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on apile of cow shit and dives down toward her."Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm,"...but is this stool taken?"
A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot...
A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is$10,000." the clerk said. "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?" "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote." "And the other?" said the customer. "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one inthe back room for $30,000." "Holy moly! What does that one do?" "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."
Two goldfish are in a tank...
Two goldfish are in a tank.One said to the other:'Do you know how to drive this thing?'Sent by Claire
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't...
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks. "What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion. "I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high enough."
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
What do you do with a dog with no legs?Take it for a drag.
For all animal lovers out there
For all animal lovers out there:How do you make a cat go 'woof'? Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...How do you make a dog go 'miaow'? Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...
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