Blonds
How do you break a blonde's nose?
How do you break a blonde's nose?Place a dildo under a glass table!
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?Translator.
How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at thesame time and still know which one to spit out.
Why do blondes like blonde jokes?
Why do blondes like blonde jokes?It makes them feel popular.
What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? Between you and me we could make a lot of money!
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job...
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Moon Mission
Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off.Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.""Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.""Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?""Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over.""That's right. Over and out."They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage."Hello, Pig 2? Come in please.""Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear.""OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?""Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program.""That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again."Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?""Kiki here, reading you loud and clear.""Kiki, do you remember your instructions?""Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."
A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor...
A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the bloody goalie."Sent by Gerald
She was so blond...
She was so blond, she thought Boys II Men was a daycare center.
Two Tourists
Two TouristsTwo tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember...
A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
Lost In The Snow
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what herdad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait fora snow plow and follow it."Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. Shefollowed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver ofthe truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained thather dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow aplow.The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parkinglot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
The Video Rental
A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something shehasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adultvideo.She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while,selects a title that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,and puts the tape in the VCR.To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so shecalls the video store to complain."I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tapebut static," she says."Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Whichtitle did you rent?" the clerk replies."Head Cleaner," Mary replies.
Buying A Bull
Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599,no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news.She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out hereso we can haul it home."The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, thenadds, "It's just 99 cents a word."Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. Sherealizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you tosend her the word, 'comfortable.'"The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to knowthat you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and driveout here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?"The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde.""She'll read it very slow."
What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?
What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.
Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?
Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?Elvis has been sighted.
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
No exit
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a signon it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when...
Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, "Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!"The girls stop and look at each other. "Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!"
<< Prev 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next >>Crime News - Baby Affiliate Program - Teddy Bear Clothes