Kids Jokes
Cat jokes 06
|Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?A: A duck filled fatty puss!Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert?A: A first aid kitty!Q: Why do cats chase birds?A: For a lark!Q: What do cats read in the morning?A: Mewspapers!Q: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?A: An acrocat!Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes?A: Puss in boots!Q: Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?A: Because she heard fowl language!Q: There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?A: None. They were all copy cats!
Cat jokes 07
|Q: How is a cat laying down like a coin?A: Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!Q: Why are cars longer in the evening than they are in the morning?A: Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!Q: What cat purrs more than any other?A: Purrsians!Q: How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?A: C-A-T!Q: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?A: There was some money in the kitty!Q: What does a cat call a bowl of mice?A: A purrfect meal!Q: Why did the cat sleep under the car?A: Because she wanted to wake up oily!Q: What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?A: He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath!Q: What is another way to describe a cat?A: A heat seeking missile!
Cat jokes 08
|Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?A: The Pink Panter Show!Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?A: A terrified postman!Q: When is a lion not a lion?A: When he turns into his cage!Q: What do cat actors say on stage?A: Tabby or not tabby!Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?A: I'm paw!Q: What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister?A: An aunt-eater!Q: What do tigers wear in bed?A: Stripey pyjamas!Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!
Cat jokes 09
|Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?A: A catacomb!Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?A: Shredded tweet!Q: Why do tomcats fight?A: Because they like raising a stink!Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?A: They are both ginger nuts!Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?A: A catameringue!Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?A: A caterpillar!Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?A: A Peking Tom!
Caterpillar jokes
|What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?Turns over a new leaf!What is the definition of a caterpillar?A worm in a fur coat!What has stripes and pulls a tractor?A caterpillar tractor!What does a cat go to sleep on?A caterpillow!What's green and dangerous?A caterpillar with a machine gun!What pillar doesn't need holding up?A caterpillar!
Centipede jokes
|Why was the centipede late?Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?A walkie talkie!What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?A centipede with chilblains!What has 50 legs but cant walk?Half a centipede!What do you call a guard with 100 legs?A sentrypede!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?Enough drumsticks to feed an army!What did one centipede say to the other centipede?You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?He took too long to put his boots on!What is worse than an alligator with toothache?A centipede with athlete's foot!What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?A centipede with a wooden leg!
Chicken jokes 01
|Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?A: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the shell station Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?A: Because it was stuck to the chicken!Q: Why did the horse cross the road?A: Because the chicken needed a day off Q: Why did the cow cross the road?A: To get to the udder side!Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?A: Because it ran out of cluck!Q: What happened when the chicken ate cement?A: She laid a sidewalk!Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?A: She kicked the bucket!Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?A: A cuckoo cluck!Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?A: She was tickled to death!
Chicken jokes 02
|Q: Why don't chickens like people?A: They beat eggs!Q: Why did the rooster run away?A: He was chicken!Q: What do chickens grow on?A: Eggplants!Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?A: He heard the referee calling fowls Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?A: Because talk is cheep!Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?A: A bird that lays down!Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?A: She lays hand gren-eggs!Q: Why did the chicken cross the "net"?A: It wanted to get to the other site!Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?A: An alarm cluck!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?A: He wanted to lay it on the line!
Chicken jokes 03
|Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?A: They go on peck-nics!Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?A: Coop-cakes!Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?A: An eggroll!Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?A: The bombshell!Q: What does an alarm cluck say?A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!" Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!Q: How long do chickens work?A: Around the cluck!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?A: To prove he wasn't chicken!Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?A: To cockadoodle dooo something!
Dog jokes 01
|Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?A: Because you can't bury them in trees!Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?A: He was trying to make both ends meet!Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?A: A collie-flower!Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?A: "Because no one else will do it for them!" Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!Q: What is the dogs favorite city?A: New Yorkie!Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?A: Growlcho Marx!Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?A: "Well, doggone!" Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: He stole the show!Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?A: It chases parked cars!
Dog jokes 02
|Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?A: A jet setter!Q: What do dogs have that no other animal has?A: Puppy dogs!Q: Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?A: Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!Q: Where do Eskimos train their dogs?A: In the mush room!Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?Because frost bites!Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!Q: What do you call an alcoholic dog?A: A whino!Q: What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?A: Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!Q: When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?A: When the door is open!Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?A: Because they have two left feet!
Dog jokes 03
|Q: What is a dog's favorite sport?A: Formula 1 drooling!Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?A: A Great Dane out!Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?A: Anywhere it wants to!Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?A: "I must throw that doggie out the window!"Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?A: A bloodhound!Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?A: Because his boots were at the menders!Q: What is a dog's favorite food?A: Anything that is on your plate!Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat?A: A hot dog!Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?A sausage dog!Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen?A: Use a pencil instead!
Dog jokes 04
|Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?A: You can step in a poodle!Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?A: A petticoat!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?A: A terrified postman!Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?A: His bark was much worse than it's bite!Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?A: Anything in your garden!Q: What dog wears contact lenses?A: A cock-eyed spaniel!Q: What's a dog favorite hobby?A: Collecting fleas!Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?A: That hit the spots!Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?A: I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs!
Dog jokes 05
|Q: Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?A: Cats can't drive!Q: What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?A: A mutt in a rut!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?A: A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?A: A jolly collie!Q: What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?A: A dingo-ling!Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?A: A shampoodle!Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?A: Wire haired terriers!!Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?A: Any kind of bloodhound!Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?A: A bud hound!
Dog jokes 06
|Q: What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?A: Chump chops!Q: How many seasons are there in a dogs life?A: Just one, the moulting season!Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come!Q: Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?A: Because they mess up the whole house!Q: How do you stop a dog smelling?A: Put a peg on it's nose!Q: What is the best time to take a Rottweiler for a walk?A: Any times he wants to!Q: When is a black dog not a black dog?A: When it's a greyhound!Q: How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?A: Melon-collie!Q: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?A: Hush puppies!Q: What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?A: Slush puppies!
Dog jokes 07
|Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?A: Cockerpoodledoo!Q: What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?A: A shaggy dogs tale!Q: Why do dogs run in circles?A: Because its hard to run in squares!Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?A: Terrier-fied!Q: What do you get if you cross a gun dog with a telephone?A: A golden receiver!Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?A: Dingo Starr!Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?A: The collie wobbles!Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?A: A dusky husky!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!Q: When does a dog go "moo"?A: When it is learning a new language!
Dog jokes 08
|Q: What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table?A: He gets splinters in his mouth!Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?A: A bull dog!Q: What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?A: A guard dog!Q: What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?A: A plain clothes police dog!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a skunk?A: Rid of the dog!Q: What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller?A: A computer with a lot of bites!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?A: A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep?A: A sheep that can round itself up!
Elephant jokes 01
|What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?Time to fix the fence!What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?An elephant with an umbrella!What' s grey with red spots?An elephant with the measles!Why does an elephant wear sneakers?So that he can sneak up on mice!What's big and grey and wears a mask?The elephantom of the opera!What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?A jet propelled elephant!Why did the elephant cross the road?Because the chicken was having a day off!What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?Lost!Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!
Elephant jokes 02
|What' s big and grey with horns?An elephant marching band!What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?An elephant disguised as a banana!What's big, grey and flies straight up?An elecopter!What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?A get wellephant!What's grey and never needs ironing?A drip dry elephant!What's big and grey and red?A sunburnt elephant!What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?"Pack your trunk and clear out!" How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?Take all the matches out first!What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?An elephant holding its breath!
Elephant jokes 03
|What' s grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?An elephant on a trampoline!What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?An elephant with hiccups!What's grey and goes round and round?An elephant in a washing machine!What's grey and highly dangerous?An elephant with a machine gun!What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?The Loch Ness Elephant!What's big and grey and has 16 wheels?An elephant on roller skates!What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?An elephant in a lift!What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?An elephant's shadow!
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