Kids Jokes
Farm jokes 10
|Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?Because he was a dirty double crosser!What do you call a sleeping bull?A bulldozer!What has two legs and flies?A pig!What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?A cow that can milk itself!Why did the farmer call his pig 'Ink'?Because he kept running out of the pen!What do you get from an Alaskan cow?Cold cream!What game do cows play at parties?Moosical chairs!Why is it called a 'herd' of cattle?Well, have you 'herd' the sound they make!Why was the lamb told off for being rude?He would not say 'thank ewe' to his mum!
Fish jokes 01
|Which fish can perform operations?A Sturgeon!Where do little fishes go every morning?To plaice school!What fish goes up the river at 100mph?A motor pike!How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?He prawned everything!1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you' 2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured' What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?Skate!What do you call a fish with no eyes?Fsh!What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?A hermit crab!What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?As far away as possible!Why did the whale cross the road?To get to the other tide!
Fish jokes 02
|Where do shellfish go to borrow money?To the prawn broker!What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?The Codfather!What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?He got lockjaw!Where do fish wash?In a river basin!What fish only swims at night?A starfish!How do fish go into business?The start on a small scale!Which fish go to heaven when they die?Angelfish!What is the best way to communicate with a fish?Drop it a line!Where do you weigh whales?At a whale weigh station!What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?A seahorse!
Fish jokes 03
|Where are most fish found?Between the head and the tail!What kind of fish will help you hear better?A herring aid!What do fish sing to each other?Salmon-chanted evening!How does an octopus go to war?Well-armed!Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?On squid row!What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?Monkfish!What bit of fish doesn't make sense?The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?A fish tank!What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?Tsardines!What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
Fish jokes 04
|What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?A flat fish!What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?A beer-a-cuda!Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean?Billy the Squid!What happened to the cold jellyfish?It set!What's the coldest fish in the sea?A blue whale!What did the sardine call the submarine?A can of people!What's the difference between a fish and a piano?You can't tuna fish!Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea?Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside!How do the fish get to school?By octobus!Why did the lobster blush?Because the sea weed!
Fish jokes 05
|What kind of money do fishermen make?Net profits!What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?Birdsthigh fish fingers!What kind of noise annoys an oyster?A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?Jellyfish!What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?'Your plaice or mine'!Where does seaweed look for a job?In the 'Kelp-wanted' adds!Why is a fish easy to weigh?Because it has its own scales!Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?Because they have electric 'eels!Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!To whom do fish go to borrow money?The loan shark!
Fish jokes 06
|Why are gold fish orange?The water makes them rusty!Who held the baby octopus to ransome?Squidnappers!What part of a fish weighs the most?It's scales!What fish do road-menders use?Pneumatic krill!What happens when sharks take their clothes off?They go sharkers!What game do fish like playing the most?Name that tuna!What do naked fish play with?Bare-a-cudas!What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon?An electric shark!Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?Jack the kipper!What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?Whale of fortune!
Flea jokes 01
|What is the most faithful insect?A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!What insect runs away from everything?A flee!What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!What to you call a Russian flea?A Moscow-ito!Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet?"Why are we running so fast?" said one Because it says "Tear along the dotted line" What do you call a flea that lives in an idiots ear?A space invader!What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?Bugs Bunny!How do you start an insect race?One, two, flea - go!How do you find where a flea has bitten you?Start from scratch!What is a flea's favorite book?The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy!
Flea jokes 02
|What did the clean dog say to the insect?Long time no flea!Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?Robert E Flea!What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor?Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!What do you call a cheerful flea?A hop-timist!What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?Shot it!What did one flea say to the other after a night out?Shall we walk home or take a dog?What did the romantic flea say?I love you aw-flea!How to fleas travel?Itch hiking!What is the difference between fleas and dogs?Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs!Why did the stupid boy wear a turlte neck sweater?To hide his flea collar!
How do fireflies start a race
|How do fireflies start a race?Ready steady glow!
5 flies in the kitchen
|If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player?The one in the sugar bowl!
keep flies out of the kitchen
|How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?Put a pile of manure in the living room!
Got to glow now!
|What did one firefly say to the other?Got to glow now!
snap, crackle and pop
|What goes "snap, crackle and pop"?A firefly with a short circuit!
Which fly makes films?
|Which fly makes films?Stephen Speilbug!
He was light fingered!
|Why did the firefly keep stealing things?He was light fingered!
They where playing for the cup
|Why were the flies playing football in saucer?They where playing for the cup!
between a fly and a bird
|What is the difference between a fly and a bird?A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!
Why did the fly fly?
|Why did the fly fly?Because the spider spied 'er!
What is a grasshopper?
|What is a grasshopper?An insect on a pogo stick!
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