Kids Jokes
Ant jokes 01
|Where do ants go for their holidays?Frants!What do you call an ant who skips school?A truant!What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?All sorts of antics!What do you call a greedy ant?An anteater!Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?To trip up the ants!What is even bigger than an elephant?A giant!What do you call an ant in space?Cosmonants & Astronants!What do you call an ant from overseas?Impartant!What medicine would you give an ill ant?Antibiotics!What is smaller than an ant's dinner?An ant's mouth!
Ant jokes 02
|What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?Your great-ant!Who was the most famous ant scientist?Albert Antstein!What games to ants play with elephants?Squash!What do you call a 100 year old ant?An antique!What kind of ant can you colour with?A crayant!Who is the most famous French ant?Napoleant!Why did the ant-elope?Nobody gnu!What is the biggest ant in the world?An elephant!Why don't anteaters get sick?Because they are full of antibodies!What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?An independant!
Ant jokes 03
|Where do ants go to eat?At a restaurant!What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?Antteneye!What do you call an and with frogs legs?An antphibian!What kind of ants are very learned?Pedants!What do you call a smart ant?Elegant!What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?Discordant!What kind of ant is good at maths?An accountant!How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?Ten ants!
Bear jokes 01
|Q: What kind of money to polo bears use?A: Ice lolly!Q: Have you ever hunted bear?A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?A: Ready, teddy, go!Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?A: A bear faced lyre!Q: Why do bears have fur coats?A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?A: A teddy boar!Q: What should you call a bald teddy?A: Fred bear!Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?A: A little bear!Q: What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?A: Winnie the Pooh!
Bear jokes 02
|: How do you hire a teddy bear?A: Put him on stilts!Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?A: A polo bear!Q: Why do polo bears like bald men?A: Because they have a great, white, bear place!Q: What do polo bears have for lunch?A: Ice burger!Q: What's a teddy bears favorite pasta?A: Tagliateddy!Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?A: They both have 'the' as their middle names!Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?A: It lives on ice!Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!Q: What is a bear's favorite drink?A: Koka-Koala!Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled?A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!
Bee jokes 01
|Q: Who is the bees favorite singer?A: Sting!Q: Who is the bees favorite pop group?A: The bee gees!Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?A: An animal that stinks and stings!Q: What does a queen bee do when she burps?A: Issues a royal pardon!Q: How does a queen bee get around her hive?A: She's throne!Q: What does the bee Santa Claus say?A: Ho hum hum!Q: Why do bees hum?A: Because they've forgotten the words!Q: What kind of bees hum and drop things?A: A fumble bee!Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Hello honey!Q: What's a bees favorite flower?A: A bee-gonias!
Bee jokes 02
|Q: What did the confused bee say?A: To bee or not to bee!Q: What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries?A: A bramble bee!Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?A: Wait at a buzz stop!Q: What is the bees favorite film?A: The Sting!Q: What goes hum-choo, hum choo?A: A bee with a cold!Q: What's a bee-line?A: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!Q: What is a baby bee?A: A little humbug!Q: What do bees chew?A: Bumble gum!Q: What does a bee say before it stings you?A: This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!Q: What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?A: An aero-drone!
Bee jokes 03
|Q: What does a bee get at McDonalds?A: A humburger!Q: What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?A: A bee in a submarine!Q: What's more dangerous than being with a fool?A: Fooling with a bee!Q: What did the spider say to the bee?A: Your honey or your life!Q: Who is a bee's favorite painter?A: Pablo Beecasso!Q: What did the bee to the other bee in summer?A: Swarm here isn't it!Q: What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?A: Bee-thoven!Q: Who writes books for little bees?A: Bee-trix Potter!Q: Where do bees go on holiday?A: Stingapore!Q: What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?A: He's bee-witched!
Bee jokes 04
|Q: Why do bees buzz?A: Because they can't whistle!Q: Can bees fly in the rain?A: Not without their little yellow jackets!Q: Why did the bee started talking poetry?A: He was waxing lyrical!Q: What goes zzub, zzub?A: A bee flying backwards!Q: What are the cleverest bees?A: Spelling bees!Q: What bee is good for your health?A: Vitamin bee!Q: What's a bees favorite novel?A: The Great Gats-bee!Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?A: A hum dinger!Q: How many bees do you need in a bee choir?A: A humdred!
Bee jokes 05
|Q: Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?A: Because they kept droning on and on!Q: What do you call a bee born in May?A: A maybe!Q: What kind of bee can't be understood?A: A mumble bee!Q: Where do bees keep their money?A: In a honey box!Q: What TV station do bees watch?A: Bee bee c one!Q: What did the bee say to the naughty bee?A: Bee-hive yourself!Q: Why did the bees go on strike?A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?A: Beacuse of the honey combs!Q: What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?A: A bee is an aeroplane!
Bird jokes 01
|Q: Why did the owl, owl?A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!Q: What is a polygon?A: A dead parrot!Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?A: The parrots of Penzance!Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?A: A firequaker!Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?A: Hide and Speak!Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?A: 'The pheasants are revolting'!Q: What is the definition of Robin?A: A bird who steals!Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?A: When they're going cheap!
Bird jokes 02
|Q: What do parrots eat?A: Polyfilla!Q: What do you give a sick bird?A: Tweetment!Q: What bird tastes just like butter?A: A stork!Q: What's another name for a clever duck?A: A wise quacker!Q: Which bird is always out of breath?A: A puffin!Q: What's got six legs and can fly long distances?A: Three swallows!Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show?A: The feather forecast!Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?A: A bird that will talk you ear off!Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?A: A box of quackers!
Bird jokes 03
|Q: How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?A: Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!Q: Which birds steal soap from the bath?A: Robber ducks!Q: What kind of bird opens doors?A: A kiwi!Q: What language do birds speak?A: Pigeon English!Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to polytechnic!Q: Where do birds invest their money?A: In the stork market!Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?A: The Birds Eye counter!Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?A: A bird that talks in morse code!Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?A: A headbanger!
Bird jokes 04
|Q: What do owls sing when it is raining?A: 'Too wet to woo'!Q: What do baby swans dance to?A: Cygnet-ure-tunes!Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?A: Birds of prey!Q: What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?A: Tweetie Pie!Q: What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?A: Jail-birds!Q: How do you get a cut-price parrot?A: Plant bird seed!Q: Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?A: Because they're both full of stuffing!Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?A: Fowl play!Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down?A: They quack up!
Bird jokes 05
|Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!Q: What do you call a very rude bird?A: A mockingbird!Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?A: In a nest-cafe!Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?A: With it's sparrowchute!Q: What is green and pecks on trees?A: Woody Wood Pickle!Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?A: He didn't give a hoot!Q: What do you call a Scottish parrot?A: A Macaw!Q: What do you call a bird that lives underground?A: A mynah bird!Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?A: A great walkie-talkie!
Cat jokes 01
|Q: How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?A: He has cat-arrh!Q: What is cleverer than a talking cat?A: A spelling bee!Q: How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?A: They never cry over spilt milk!Q: What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?A: An animal that puts you out a night!Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?A: A stripey jumper!Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?A: A sourpuss!Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army?A: They both wear stripes!
Cat jokes 02
|Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?A: A stripey sweater!Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?A: She's got that down in the mouth look!Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?A: A peeping tom!Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?A: Because he has sandy claws!Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?A: Frostbite!Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding?A: Chocolate mousse!
Cat jokes 03
|Q: What looks like half a cat?A: The other half!Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?A: 'Claws.' Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?A: A stri-ped!Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?A: A stripey sweater!Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?A: Frostbite!Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.' Q: What is lion's favorite food?A: Baked beings!
Cat jokes 04
|Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?A: He felt funny!Q: What's striped and bouncy?A: A tiger on a pogo stick!Q: What is the cat's favorite TV show?A: The evening mews!Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?A: Smack a lion!Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?A: Hailing taxi cabs!Q: How is cat food sold?A: Usually purr can!Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?A: A tiger moth!Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?A: 'Let us prey.'
Cat jokes 05
|Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?A: A catastrophe!Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?A: Chairman Miaow!Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?A: A cat-a-logue!Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?A: An octopuss!Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!Q: When the cat's away.....?A: The house smells better!Q: Why was the cat so small?A: Because it only ate condensed milk!Q: Why did the cat cross the road?A: It was the chicken's day off!
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