Miscellaneous
What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive?
What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive? - Popeye almost killed him.
Why cannot Frankenstein have children?
Why can't Frankenstein have children? Because his nuts are on his neck.
Why cannot Santa have children?
Why can't Santa have children? He only comes once a year.
Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?
Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
How can you identify an blind pirate?
How can you identify an blind pirate?He's the one with patches over both eyes.
With all the recent talk of cloning...
With all the recent talk of cloning, you'd think it was a new thing.But in fact, a very wealthy westerner had himself cloned many years ago. The boy grew up to have very foul mouth. The more the son swore, the\madder the father got. One day, the father got so mad he pushed his son off a high cliff. The sheriff arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.
A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one...
A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one.The bartender says, "Hey fella, why the long face?"
Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away...
Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? - "Thats the most violent book I've ever read."
What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?"
What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?" Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube
Holiday Party Festivity Levels
Holiday Party Festivity LevelsLevel I: Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree. Level II: Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta Be Me" while others begin rearranging your ornaments. Level III: Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike. Level IV: Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing. In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you rentyour home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The quickest way toget to Level III is egg-nog.
What do you see when the pillsbary dough boy bends over?
What do you see when the pillsbary dough boy bends over?DoughnutsSent by Susan
Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?
Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?one sip & you go out with a poof :0)Sent by Peter
Another yamamma...
Another yamamma...Your mamma is so fat when god said let there be lighthe asked her to step out of the waySent by tuna fish
Death of Energizer Bunny
The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the deathof the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately8:42PM last evening.Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going andgoing and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends andrelatives, was alone at the time of his death.An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medicalExaminer, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death wasacute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny's batteries in backwards,and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....
What would you do if you had a condum with a hole...
What would you do if you had a condum with a holein it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.
How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style
How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwingout everything that is not an elephant, and catching one ofwhatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove theexistence of at least one elephant and leave the capture ofan actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduatestudents.Sent by Alex
How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style
How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West.4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a match is detected. Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A byplacing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that thealgorithm will terminate. Sent by Alex
How to hunt elephants -- Lawyers style
How to hunt elephants -- Lawyer's styleLawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herdsaround arguing about who owns the droppings. Softwarelawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on thelook and feel of one dropping.Sent by Alex
How to Hunt Elephants -- VP Style
How to Hunt Elephants -- VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, hisstaff will try to ensure that all elephants are completelyprehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees anonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment thevice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself toprevent any recurrence.Sent by Alex
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