Miscellaneous
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid...
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,and LeRoy," she answered."They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?""Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they allcome running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
How do I know anything really exists?
How do I know anything really exists?Kick it *really* hard.
Why did the skeleton burp?
Here's a silly one....Why did the skeleton burp?Because it didn't have the guts to fart.
I received a letter from my bank the other day...
I received a letter from my bank the other day, telling me,"This is the last time we're going to spend a quarter totell you that you have fifteen cents!"
My twenty cents
Tom : I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.Jim : That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.Tom : But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!Jim : That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.
What's sillier
John : I don't know what to buy - a cow or a bicycle.Peter : You will look silly riding a cow.John : I will look even sillier trying to milk a bicycle.
Palindromes
More cool than funny, but... racecar <===> racecar drawer <===> reward repaid <===> diaper straw <===> warts evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!] smug <===> gums star <===> rats step <===> pets step on <===> no pets
How do you make a hot dog stand?
How do you make a hot dog stand?Steal its chair.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?A rash of good luck.
The blank tape
Hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast.The mime next door went nuts.
Christmas flavor
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in.The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven.The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven.The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties.Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do panties represent Christmas?"The man replies, "Oh, they're Carol's."
a dyslexic man walks into a...
a dyslexic man walks into a bra...Sent by Robert
What occurs twice in a lifetime...
What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in ayear, twice in a week, but never in a day?The letter "E"Sent by T. JONES
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Two.One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub withbrightly colored machine tools.
What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
A dilemma
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts",and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked...
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent...
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
Why did the punk cross the road?
Why did the punk cross the road?Because he was stapled to the chickens back.
Did you hear about the guy born with two left feet?
Did you hear about the guy born with two left feet?He went out one day to buy some Flip Flips...
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