Politics
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells...
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
Working With The FBI
Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters."Hello?""Hello, is this the FBI?""Yes. What do you want?""I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He ishiding marijuana inside his firewood.""Thank you very much for the call, sir."The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bustopen every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear atThibodeaux and leave.The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house."Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?""Yeah!""Did they chop your firewood?""Yep""Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?- To escape an oppressive military regime.
US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school...
US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.After fifteen minutes speaking he says: 'I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says: 'I have four questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says: 'I have six questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early?6. Where is Bobby?
Our next targets
Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-knownHussein family members are coming to the attention of Americanauthorities.Among the brothers:------------------Sooflay .......................the restauranteurGuday......................... the half-Australian brotherHuray......................... the sports fanaticBejay..........................the gay brotherKuntay & Kintay................the twins from the African motherSayhay.........................the baseball playerOjay...........................the stalker / murdererGulay..........................the singer / entertainerEbay...........................the internet czarBiliray........................the country music starEcksray........................the radiologistPuray..........................the blender factory ownerTupay..........................the one with bad hairAmong the sisters:-----------------Pusay..........................the 'loose' 22 yr oldLattay.........................the coffee shop ownerBufay..........................the 300 pound sisterDushay.........................the clean sisterPhayray........................the zoo worker in the gorilla houseSapheway.......................the grocery store owner:Ollay..........................the half-mexican sisterGudlay.........................the prostituteMore will, no doubt, be discovered...including A.A. Sidday, Oz weekend TV Host.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
How many Los Angeles police officers does it take to beat up,,,
How many Los Angeles police officers does ittake to beat up a black motorist?None. He fell down the stairs.
Top 10 McGreevey jokes
TOP 10 McGreevey jokes.... 10 NJ state bird - swallow. 9 New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway. 8 NJ raises terror alert level to lavender. 7 We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous. 6 Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much. 5 What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common? Jewish seamen. 4 NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey". 3 Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box". 2 Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!" 1 It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!
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