Relationships
Do clever men make good husbands?
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
A couple came upon a wishing well...
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream...
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some."How hard is it?" she asks."About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion...
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc., and finally gets around to their sex lives. Sue says, "It's OK. We get it on every week or so, but it's no big adventure; how's yours?" Sally replies, "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really, Sally, I never would have quessed that you would go for that!!" Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores while I Masturbate."
One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car...
One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand.She froze, jumped up and said, "I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!"Then he said, "I've got two words for you, LET GO!".
Punctuation marks
An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband...
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Tryinghis best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"
How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?
How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?Marry her !Sent by Bob
Generous woman
"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend."I gave a poor beggar $25.""Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?""He said, 'Thank you'. "
A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child...
A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?Outlaws are wanted.
A girl runs home to her mother crying...
A girl runs home to her mother crying, "I can't marry Joe! He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything! "Don't worry, Honey," said her mom. "But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell! "Don't worry, Honey," repeated her mom, "you marry him...and we'll convince him!"
Old farmer Johnson was dying...
Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.With a low voice he sad to his wife,"Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones.""Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude.""But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"
Hair on my chest
A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. "HA!" he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me the damn coat!" "That's not your chest!" he roars back. "Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we got married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards it became our family chest....AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT...IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"
Foreplay
After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
Polygamy and...
A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper,"The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"
Conversation over dinner
Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Oh Shit.
Will the father be present during the birth?
"Will the father be present during the birth?"asked the obstetrician."Nah," replied the mother-to-be,"He and my husband don't get along."
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day...
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reasonthe mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband askedwhat was wrong."Nothing," said the woman.Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?""Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cookedand cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother'sDay, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you.""Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gottena Father's Day gift.""Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
My wife and I are into S & M...
My wife and I are into S & MShe Sleeps and I masturbateSent by Richard
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