Sex
Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
Q. Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?A. Because she found out what the big boys eat.
97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed...
97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits himdown and begins the standard speech he gives to seniorcitizens, about how as the body ages bodily functionsslow down and it is completely normal to suffer somedecrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worryor become upset about it, but should just relax andthings will probably be completely fine andblah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "Whendid you first begin to think you were impotent?""Three times last night, and again this morning."
On a very cold night...
On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the localbrothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait.""But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now.""Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.""Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one ofthe staff and, after looking for a place to consummatethe transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. Butit's a very cold night, and they freeze to death andfall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,staggers to the door, and knocks."Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!""I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tellyou that your sign fell down."
Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?
Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant? -She blew them both...
A small dissapointment
Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs a shit."I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink""There's another trench over there" says the other."I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout andand i'll cover you so you can get back""OK" so the GI runs across while the other fires off themachine gun.He's waiting 10 minutes......15.......20....he shouts out "Are you Ok?".....nothing.Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting."Cover me i`m coming back"When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have you been? you've been gone for over an hour""Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits,fondled her arse,turned her round and fucked her frombehind!""It was great!""You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?" "nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"Send by Rob Rowell
How do you make love to a fat girl?
How do you make love to a fat girl?Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot.
When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse?
When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips!
What is the best thing about a blow job?
What's the best thing about a blow job? - The 15 minutes of silence!
What do people do for fun on Halloween?
What do people do for fun on Halloween? They monsterbate
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new...
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!""Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," stammered the private."Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?""No, no nothing of those..." said the private."Well then, what is it?""I'd rather not tell you sir...""Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private."Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?""You see, she crossed her legs....."
This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker...
This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.""Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
Stuck orgasm
A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible -- best sex he'd ever had.He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"
How come Mike Tysons eyes always water during sex?
How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex? Mace...
There were two people having sex in a car...
There were two people having sex in a car. They finished upand the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend gotmad at him she wanted to go again. So he got out of the carand went to find the condom. He found that a little boy had found it and when he asked forit back the boy refused. "C'mon" he begged, "I'll give u a dollar." "Well," little boy thought, "Okay."So the little boy ran home. "Mom, you'll never guess what justwhat just happened! I sold this guy a twinky for a dollar, but Itricked him. I sucked the cream out of it first!"
What is the most insensitive part of a penis?
What is the most insensitive part of a penis? - The man
What is green and smells like pig?
What's green and smells like pig? - Kermit's fingers.
Two men were talking to each other about how pussy tastes...
Two men were talking to each other about how pussy taste.The first guy said"I think it taste like cherry pie".Theother guy said "I think it taste like shit".Thenthe first guy said "you are supposed to turn her over".Sent by Don Chamberlin
Excuse TO smoke
Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were...
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."The farmer shot Chuck.
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger...
A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerwalked up to him and asked, "If you woke upin the woods and scratched your buttand felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?""Hell no!" the guy said.The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into yourcrack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"The man said, "Of course not.""Wanna go camping?"
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