Sex
What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?
Q: What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?A: Having to go to bed so early!
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute...
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table."Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20.""Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can'tmake a living on that.""Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
What's a real mate?
Q: What's a real mate?A: Someone who'll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one?.when he returns.
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?Call her up
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods...
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree."Ah-ha....," The Big Bad Wolf said, "Now I've got you and I'm going toeat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!..."Little Red Riding Hood said angrily,"Damn it, doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"
What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?
What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?Your very last headjob.
What's the difference between white onions, brown onions...
Q: What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?A: Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
Five fingers
A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers."Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?""No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous...
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?""Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you?.up the arse with her clitoris.
Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry...
Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before."Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the swimming team and didn't smoke.
What does a camera and a condom have in common?
What does a camera and a condom have in common?They both capture that magic moment.
One day a housewife was going about the usual business...
One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate.She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"
Whats long, hard and full of semen?
Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??A. A submarine.Sent by sam
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
A blind guy goes into a whore house...
A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.He says to her, "Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?""Yes. How'd you know?""I never forget a face."
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old.
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her."The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?"Jake says, "I fought 'em."
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says...
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"Johnny says, "Seventy-three."The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy...
A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.She says, "That's it! That's it!"He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Next >>